whew

wake up, corral an excited dude for a detested morning diaper change, listen to screams of "ilkkkk illlk" pour a sippy of milk, snuggle on the couch for a few blessed minutes, pour a bowl of cheerios, watch as bowl of cheerios are spread all over living room "uh oh", pick up 56 cheerios, "feet on the floor escher", "escher would you like strawberry or peach yogurt", "eeech!", "mow eech!", " awwwlll? awwwwl?? AWWLLLL!!!" (means all done), proceed to clean peach yogurt from hair, floor, high chair, tray, and truman's back. "uh ooooh" try to get escher dressed...15 minutes go by... still trying to get escher dressed... "feet o n the floor please escher" "escher I said feet on the floor", physically put escher's feet on the floor. step on little people giraffe why does that hurt so much? "uh ooooh" clean up little people animals and zip up plastic case. throw in a load of laudry, "wawa? wawa? Mama WAWA UP!" show Escher the water in the washer, assure him there is already soap in there "see the bubbles?" "Buba? buba? 'po buba?" "sorry dude but the hippo bubble maker is an outside toy", "WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH".
distract with coloring. show escher how to take off marker caps. immediately regret that decision as there is now 7 marker caps on the floor. escher's face is rainbow colored. "uh ooooh" wipe off marker from face. "chee? chee?peees? chee?" try to explain to a toddler that we are in fact out of his beloved cheese. Distract with popsicle. clean up popsicle mess. "uh ooooooh". step on another little people animal. clean up animals again, this time keeping the case up high. "da? dada?", "escher Dad is at work, he'll be home after your nap" (which by the way why isn't it naptime yet?) "escher want to walk to the beach?" "mmm huh!" shoes, coat, hat. "beeeach? beeeach?" stop and say hi to neighbor dog. "gentle escher. GENTLE ESCHER!" "uh ooooooh" stop to throw 3 stones from a neighbors driveway into the grated sewer. remind myself to buy them a bag of gravel to replace the ones that are now in the sewer. carry a 28lb toddler up the ramp to the beach. carry a 28lb toddler down the ramp to the house. 2 more stones go in the sewer. "uh ooooh" we notice a tree. and get very excited when we spot a squirrel. assure escher that we will have lunch when we get back. make lunch. give more lunch. and a little bit more. clean up lunch. make milk sippy. NAPTIME...

..............quiet......................................

"dah? dada? uh ooooooooh dada?" up from nap. getting dressed only takes 3 minutes because i outsmarted the toddler by keeping him in the crib ("the best offense is actually a great defense"). "feeesh? feeesh?" turn on fish projector due to popular demand. play cars with escher. receive blow to the head from a 67 mustang. "uh oooooh" put escher in crib for one minute since he hurt me. he giggles. "uh oooooh" time out has no effect. snack time. apple fries and goldfish. almost have to distract him from the fact we have no cheese again. thankfully "DADADADADADA" walks in the door. saved by the dad. whew. finally 2 minutes to pee in peace. ahhhhh..... back in the grind. listen to work stories, inquire about new projects. learn something new that happened in the news today. "escher hands off the swiffer" learn about something that happened in the news today that I wish I didn't learn. "escher hands off the swiffer! want to color?" distract with colors. few minutes with matt. pick up markers and ask escher to help me put them in the bag. he runs off to the coveted swiffer. escher goes in crib for touching the swiffer AGAIN. has some effect this time! "uh ooooooh" comes out of room. forgets about the swiffer. find shoes, coat and hat for outside play. and "baaahll???? baaahlll?" and "chk?" (chalk) at his insistence. play outside and keep toddler from obvious dangers; cars, trucks, sewer, basketball, pooop, dominion power equipment. play "bahhhl". watch escher create chalk artwork. then eat the chalk. "uh oooooh" at this point i have stopped responding to every "uh oooooh". drag a filthy toddler into the house. attempt to wipe face and hands. i'm pushed away. coax with jellybean. dirt is somewhat gone! start to cook dinner. "uuuup? uuup?" pick escher up and show him what we are having for dinner. put escher down..... pick escher back up and show him that yes we are having the same thing for dinner that we were 5 minutes ago and don't worry it will be ready for you soon. dinner on the plate. "hot? hot?" "not hot, just blow on it" pick up pieces of dinner off the floor. realize its more efficient to let the dogs in. allow the toddler to throw the rest of the food on his plate to the dogs (less to have to throw away). clean up kitchen. run bath. get soaked. manage to somehow clean a wiggling soapy body. manage to somehow mop up the bathwater that is now all over the bathroom floor. clean diaper and jammies on the dude. finally! read books. breathe in the scent of my freshly washed baby and try to cherish this moment for forever. say good night, shut the door. pour a glass of wine and collapse on the couch.

aaaaaaannnnndd this is why i want to go to bed at 9. loving the toddler life :-D