Playing Catch Up

I haven't blogged in awhile. A long while. Its funny, everyday I would think of something to blog about and I wouldn't get around to it. So then all those little things started piling up and I felt like I would never get around to writing them down. So I didn't. Now I have a huge gap in time where I can't remember anything. Soooo.... that led me to a new goal in the blogging world. Just write a short and sweet entry of the things that stood out that day. While I check my email. or Facebook. Because thats why I created this blog. To remember the little things in life that make me happy.

More and more I'm realizing that it is the little things that make you happy. I feel like how you deal with the little things in life is your foundation for how all the other things in your life come to be. If I get upset when escher dumps his cereal all over the place or bumps his head, how am I going to react when he really hurts himself? Or decides to cover himself in God-Knows-What that he has found somehwere in the house? This house can be frustrating on a daily basis but I find that if I deal and move on that things are just better than continually complaining that there is not enough room or counter space or that it doesn't ever look "neat". This past year has been a relatively rough one. As I glanced through the blog I realize that I never really posted about the bad things. Its so easy to pretend that everything is hunky dory but sometimes you have to admit to yourself that its not. From going through a move that I wasn't quite prepared for, to moving to a house that was in no means ready for a family and a baby, to dealing with rats and a less-than-understanding rental company, to being diagnosed ocd/anxious/depressive and being put on medicine, to matt having hurt his knee and breaking his heel, and finally to closing out the year with all of us being sick, Escher the most, has made me realize that some things just aren't always as they seem. So as I think about all the things, good and bad, that went on in 2010, I am considering the things that I do want for 2011. Its a new year, a new attitude. I want to be :

• OPEN. I want to open my heart to friends and family and FAITH. I want to open my mind to things I don't understand. I want to open my eyes to the world around me. And I want to open my ears to hear things I might not. Its easy to nod your head and smile when someone is talking... But are you REALLY listening? I can be guilty of the old smile and nod (especially when Matt is talking fantasy football. or fishing) but I've decided that I'm doing both me and the other person, a complete disservice but not processing what they are saying. I want to be open to new experiences and ideas, and I want to think about things BEFORE I open my mouth, lest I stick myself in a corner where i don't want to be : )
• FLEXIBLE: This is something that I am really working on. The type A personality that I have in me somewhere screams when things don't go according to the plan I have in my head. I'm not always right, and the way I do things aren't always right (or necessarily wrong). So I can let Matt in the kitchen to cook breakfast without nagging from the couch. I mean, honestly, who cares how you cook the biscuits, even if it is different than how I would do it, as long as they arrive on my plate for me to eat!
• CRUCIAL: This one is weird. Maybe the word I chose? But I'm feeling a theme in things that I have been reading lately. I don't know if these articles/blogs (flylady, becoming minimalist) etc have come my way mysteriously, or if I have been actively seeking them out, but I want to weed my life of the things that I don't need (material crap) and fill them with things I do need (loving experiences). So that is where the word "crucial" comes in. As I look around I can probably point out 5 things that are not abosolutely "crucial". Well, ok, from my vantage point I only really see 2 things. Which is good because it means I have been trying! I am lucky enough to not "want" for many things, and I want to share the unused, unloved items with people who will love them and use them. Our house is small enough without having loads of extra crap around. And my heart feels huge when I donate to GoodWill. Its a win win situation.
• THERE: This one might have you scratching your head. Throughout this past year I have felt like while I physically showed up to get through every day, my head/heart was no where to be found. My mind could be a million miles away, stressing over stupid stuff like whether or not someone likes me or what we are going to have for dinner even though there are like 5 options in our fridge, or the stupid dirt on my kitchen floor that I can't ever seem to get up even if I spend half of naptime on my knees scrubbing it with hot soapy water, scrub brushes and microfibre clothes. See? Dumb, right? I need to SLOW DOWN and realize that a little dirt and dog hair isn't going to kill anyone. I need to let the dishes sit in the sink and not worry about germs contaminating one another and play with my son! I need to get out and enjoy the fresh air! I want to plant my feet on the floor beside our bed every morning and face my day with everything that I have inside me. I want to crash into bed at the end of the day knowing that I gave everything I have to the ones I love, and to myself. I want to LIVE and ENJOY and LOVE and LAUGH.
• RESPONSIBLE: duh. Put bills all in one place! meal plan and write a grocery list ! (and stick to it!) stop procrastinating! because that hurts me (and others) and its no good. So new motto "JUST DO IT!" thanks Nike! I want to finish reading Dave Ramsey and I want to save money. I want to walk the dog everyday and lose some weight and be better with my clothes and not buy stupid stuff I don't need and I want to eat better and drink less and put stuff away after I use it.

I'm not quite sure where all this came from. I meant to write a quick little post about how I was going to start posting on a regular basis and out came all of my self improvement hopes for the new year. This time of year can be so inspirational. Friends and family all over are embracing the new year and creating change. I'm on the way to embracing a new me... It feels good when you put your intentions in black and white (and on the internet because now I can be held accountable for what I should do! So keep me in line!

PS- on a side note, we have all recovered from our end of the year sickness, and Escher is just as awesome as always. Our "dude" surprises us every day with new words and actions. I've lost count of words. He's starting to string words together "more_____ please" or "puppies treats!" and my favorite "brrrr.... cold!" my heart fills more and more with love for him with every passing day. I can't even imagine how my heart is going to feel in 6 months! or a year! or what happens if we ever decide have another child? will my heart be able to stay in my chest? things to ponder...

have a great afternoon!